I know I’m not the Civility Police. I know I’m just a guy making a living as a funny speaker. But this I also know: we’ve got to bring civility back.
This blog is intended to be light and uplifting, but pardon me while I rant for a moment.
Politeness needs a come back. Cleanliness needs a rebirth. Common decency and grace for those sharing our planet is on a steady decline and we need to reverse it. Where are our manners? (Wow, I’m sounding like my mother.)
Why am I upset about this? Here’s a few of my beefs:
- I don’t want to hear your cell phone conversation
(unless you’re leaving me a message that I’ve won the lottery).
- I don’t want to know your last meal by looking at your shirt
(unless you’ve saved some of that hot fudge sundae for me).
- I don’t want to hear your music
(unless it’s the Doobie Brothers, I have their entire collection).
- I don’t want to see your underwear sticking out of your pants
(unless you’re a Victoria Secret model).
- I don’t want to be able to smell you coming from 50 yards away
(again, unless you’re a Victoria Secret model).
- I don’t want to wonder if there’s a family of rabbits in that filthy, matted, nest of hair on your head (that even goes for a Victoria Secret model).
Maybe we should have some Civility Rules, so here’s a few benchmarks to get us started:
- There are people behind you boarding the plane, hurry up, you’re not the only passenger.
- Your pets should not eat from the table, regardless of how good their manners are.
- Instead of running that yellow light, leave the house one light earlier.
- Unless she’s YOUR bride, do not kiss the bride at a wedding for more than five seconds.
- Underwear is UNDER-wear; it’s not outerwear.
- Do not spill food on the floor at a restaurant, unless you’re sure they have a dog.
- You shouldn’t have any piercing that makes your face fester.
- “Please” and “Thank you, honey” are not just words for the Hooter’s waitress.
- It’s okay to allow someone to cut in front of you. Let’s take turns.
- If your hands get dirty from washing your face, you may have waited too long.
- Pick up your trash. They’re your cooties. You deal with ’em.
- If you’re able to push a shopping cart, then push it five more feet and put it in the cart rack.
- If your breath will make a goat pass out, skip the onions.
- Do not take a cooler to church.
We’ve gotta share this little place with another 300 or so million people.
Can’t we just be nice?
Mark Mayfield, A Funny Speaker with a Serious Message