A Funny Speaker’s Thoughts on Civility

I know I’m not the Civility Police.  I know I’m just a guy making a living as a funny speaker.  But this I also know:  we’ve got to bring civility back.

A Funny Speaker takes a look at civility Funny Speaker A Funny Speaker's Thoughts on Civility Civility

Civility & the Funny Speaker

This blog is intended to be light and uplifting, but pardon me while I rant for a moment. 

Politeness needs a come back.  Cleanliness needs a rebirth.  Common decency and grace for those sharing our planet is on a steady decline and we need to reverse it.  Where are our manners? (Wow, I’m sounding like my mother.)
Why am I upset about this? Here’s a few of my beefs:

I don’t want to hear your cell phone conversation
(unless you’re leaving me a message that I’ve won the lottery).
I don’t want to know your last meal by looking at your shirt
(unless you’ve saved some of that hot fudge sundae for me).
I don’t want to hear your music
(unless it’s the Doobie Brothers, I have their entire collection).
I don’t want to see your underwear sticking out of your pants
(unless you’re a Victoria Secret model).
I don’t want to be able to smell you coming from 50 yards away
(again, unless you’re a Victoria Secret model).
I don’t want to wonder if there’s a family of rabbits in that filthy, matted, nest of hair on your head (that even goes for a Victoria Secret model).

Maybe we should have some Civility Rules , so here’s a few benchmarks to get us started:
There are people behind you boarding the plane, hurry up, you’re not the only passenger.
Your pets should not eat from the table, regardless of how good their manners are.
Instead of running that yellow light, leave the house one light earlier.
Unless she’s YOUR bride, do not kiss the bride at a wedding for more than five seconds.
Underwear is UNDER-wear; it’s not outerwear.
Do not spill food on the floor at a restaurant, unless you’re sure they have a dog.
You shouldn’t have any piercing that makes your face fester.
“Please” and “Thank you, honey” are not just words for the Hooter’s waitress.
It’s okay to allow someone to cut in front of you. Let’s take turns.
If your hands get dirty from washing your face, you may have waited too long.
Pick up your trash. They’re your cooties. You deal with ’em.
If you’re able to push a shopping cart, then push it five more feet and put it in the cart rack.
If your breath will make a goat pass out, skip the onions.
Do not take a cooler to church.

We’ve gotta share this little place with another 300 or so million people. 
Can’t we just be nice?

Mark Mayfield, A Funny Speaker with a Serious Message


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