A funny speaker has four funny grandchildren. Genetics. A beautiful thing.
Four grandchildren. Four angels. Slightly ornery angels, but angels nonetheless. Enjoying them like crazy now because once they’re teenagers, this old man, even though he’s their grandpa and makes audiences laugh as a funny speaker, will not be as cool. So in honor of these unpredictable packages of joy, I’m listing the Top Ten things my grandchildren have taught their “PaPa”.
- The things that your kids did that made you mad, are now hilarious when your grandkids do them.
- The best place to wipe your hands is on the underneath side of the table.
- Super Heroes are AWESOME!!!
- On a grandchild, eyeglasses are the cutest.
- Being pulled around in a laundry basket never gets old. Pulling the basket, however, can get old.
- A “Bouncy House” is a solid investment.
- You can read a book ten times in a row and it’s just as good the 10th time.
- A “Princess” dress can be worn at anytime, including during a nap and at an airport.
- The quality of the dining experience is directly proportional to the amount of food on your face and shirt.
- Grandkids give the best hugs.
Okay wait, here’s ten more, and then I promise I’ll stop.
(Did I mention I was an annoying Grandpa?)
- The best part of the cake is always the frosting, which is why you eat that first.
- The location in the bed where you go to sleep, bears no resemblance to the location in the bed where you wake up.
- Bribery is sometimes okay. Getting a grandchild’s kiss by promising a present is perfectly acceptable.
- It’s not important what you do outside, just that you BE outside.
- Playgrounds are mankind’s greatest invention.
- All shoes are adorable on a grandchild.
- All food is better on a stick.
- Bedtime is only a suggestion. It can be extended by a variety of stalling tactics.
- A grandkid running to you with outstretched arms yelling “PaPa”, is the sweetest sound EVER!
And the number one thing I’ve learned:
- There is nothing stronger than the grasp of a grandchild’s tiny hand.
My daughters know how much I love them, but there still is no truer adage than the old saying, “if I’d known how much fun grandkids would be, I’d have had them first”.
MARK MAYFIELD…A Funny Speaker with a Serious Message