My Mom’s Favorite Funny Speaker

I am my mother’s favorite funny speaker in our family.  Okay, I’m the only funny speaker in our family.

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A Funny Speaker and His Mom

But since I’m her favorite, this blog is for her.  Why?  Because her birthday is this month.  She always tells me I’m her favorite, although I’m pretty sure she tells my four siblings the same thing.  But here’s why I really do think I’m on top:  I wrote a book about her.  I’ll let you in on a secret.  If you want to get in good with your momma, put her on the cover of a book.  That buys you a lot of kiss-up points.  My brother got her front row tickets to a Johnny Mathis concert a few years back and he moved a notch ahead of me for a while, but it didn’t last.

It’s good to be King again.

I can’t tell you how old my mother is because that violates that thing about telling a woman’s age.  All I’ll say is she’s somewhere between the Liberty Bell and the iPod.  She has taught me a lotta things about life, like potty training and dressing myself.  Those are very handy skills if you ever decide to go out in public.  But here’s one of the best things I learned from her…a sense of humor.  And she’s still teaching me.  I accidentally hit her speed dial number on my phone the other day and unknowingly called her.  She called me back and left this message, “Mark, your butt just dialed me.  I don’t know what he wanted, because he didn’t leave a message.  So if it’s important, tell your butt to call me back.  Luv’ ya’ son.” 
That’s my momma.

I wouldn’t be honest if I said she has no idiosyncrasies, and sometimes I really scratch my head.  Like when she recently drove through a red light because nobody was around and justified it by saying, “it was gonna change eventually”. 
Can’t really argue with that I guess.

But for every oddity she has, I’ve got ten.  I may joke about her, but she’s really “together”.  She’s hip (she’ll read this on her iPad).  She’s healthy (although we’re running out of body parts to replace).  And she’s happy.  And she makes everybody around her happy.  Just ask any of her kids, grandkids, and now great grandkids. 
How did I get so lucky to have her as my mom?

So Happy Birthday Mom!  I hope you liked this blog because I forgot to mail a card. 
Shocker, huh? 

How long can I milk the fact I put you on a book?

Mark Mayfield, A Funny Speaker with a Serious Message


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