Funny Motivational Speaker Looks at Gender Differences
Funny Motivational Speaker sees differences in the genders others sometimes don’t.
One of the most overworked topics in comedy is the differences between men and women. Entire routines are based on it and comedic books have even been written on the subject. I’ve already covered some of the communication contrasts in a previous blog, but let’s look at some of the other things that separate us boys from them girls. This is hard scientific data compiled from my sixty plus years of livin’.
As a funny motivational speaker who prides himself on uniqueness and seeing things that others don’t, I’m almost embarrassed to mention obvious things like asking for directions, but I have to because it’s so blatant. Not asking for directions is a sign of being a man. If you find a man that does ask for directions, I can tell you for sure he’s a weak, puny, sissy man. A real man can be hopelessly helplessly lost, but if he’s making good time he’s happy as a pig in mud. He’ll never admit he needs directions either. He could be driving off a cliff and when asked, “do you know where you’re going?”, would simply answer, “yep, when I hit the bottom I’m gonna take a left”.
Here’s a difference that I would have overlooked, had I not been writing these down. Scented soap. Women just love scented soap. I remember staying at my mother’s once and her shower had strawberry shampoo, raspberry creme rinse, and banana coconut oil bath soap. I thought I was taking a shower at International House of Pancakes. Men could care less about scented soap. We’re the idiots that to this day still buy Lava. And if you’ve forgot what that is, it’s a bar of soap wrapped in 24 grit sandpaper. Men believe abrasion is how you get clean. If we’re hemorrhaging, we must be spotless.
Men just see personal hygiene differently. For example, we believe that towels should never, ever, ever have to be washed. I would simply ask, “when is the only time you use a bath towel?” It’s when you’re clean! If your towels are getting dirty, someone is sneaking into your house and messin’ with you. And we believe that dirty laundry can be resurrected from the dead simply by tossing it in the dryer. Fluff it up for a while, it’ll be fine. With regards to laundry, we sort clothes way different than women. Just two piles: “dirty”, and “dirty but I think I can still wear it”.
Women hate to be seen in the same outfit more than once, whereas men LOVE to be seen in the same outfit more than once. If a man has a favorite shirt you better get used to it. He’s gonna wear it for decades. Men get attached to their clothing. This is especially true for underwear. There can be nothing left but an elastic band and he won’t throw them away.
I could spend a day talking about shoes. A guy can get by on three pair. A nice pair, tennis shoes, and some slippers. Done. A woman needs every type of heel and more colors than a Sherwin Williams paint chart.
Pillows is a HUGE difference. Before I got married I had one pillow. One old, lumpy, stinky, stale, nasty pillow. And I was happy. Now, I have 428 pillows. That’s just on the bed. I’ve been on the road for a few days, so I could have a hundred more when I get home. The other day I made a huge mistake. I put my head on a pillow that was not a head pillow. It was a decorative pillow. You can lose a limb over that.
But here’s the biggest difference I think: the remote control. I don’t mean to be sexist, but men clearly have genetic superiority when it comes to the channel changer. My wife got a hold of the remote control the other day and it was one of the most pathetic things you’ve ever seen. I actually felt sorry for her. This may be the best way to sum this up, “women want to know what is on TV, men want to know WHAT ELSE is on TV”. And just so you know, when you women harp at us for incessantly surfing the channels, there’s not a man in American that doesn’t follow you out of the room pointing the remote at you like he’s turning you off. Yep, a guy thing.
Differences for sure, but isn’t that what makes it interesting? As a funny motivational speaker it gives me lots to talk about. Embrace it. It also gives us something to argue about.
I’m just sayin’.
Mark Mayfield…A Funny MotivationalSpeaker with a Serious Message
To watch Mark live on stage click here.
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